You Are Enough: Why Overcoming Self-Doubt Is the Leadership Skill Nobody Talks About
Nearly everyone is dealing with a feeling of inadequacy. The difference between thriving and spiraling is learning the difference between thinking you are enough and knowing it.
I am sick and tired of not feeling good enough.
If that sentence hit you somewhere deep, you're not alone. I spent more than forty years of my life not feeling like I was enough, and I hid it well. I had the career, the family, the titles — and still, that whisper of inadequacy found its way into every quiet moment.
Here's what I've learned after writing a bestselling book on this topic, hosting over 150 episodes of my Counsel Culture podcast, and delivering keynotes to organizations like AWS, Fortra, Coro, and Telarus: nearly everyone is dealing with a feeling of inadequacy. The executive in the corner office. The new hire trying to prove herself. The parent wondering if they're doing enough for their kids. The leader who got promoted and still feels like a fraud.
The difference between the people who thrive and the people who spiral isn't that some people don't feel self-doubt. It's that some people have learned the difference between thinking they are enough and knowing it.
That distinction changed my life. And it can change yours.
The Hidden Epidemic in Every Organization
Walk into any company, any conference room, any team meeting — and I promise you, someone in that room is carrying something heavy. An estranged relationship. A health scare. Financial stress. A marriage on the rocks. Grief that hasn't been processed.
We don't see it because we've all become experts at hiding.
I know this because my wife and I became experts at it ourselves. For years, we carried the weight of an estranged relationship with my oldest daughter. When new friends asked the predictable questions — How many kids do you have? Where does your oldest go to school? — we had a rehearsed answer. We didn't mean to lie. It just happened. The truth was too painful, and frankly, we were convinced nobody could possibly understand.
I felt alone. I was convinced nobody else in the world had an estranged relationship with their child.
Boy, was I wrong.
Nearly every time I share this story, it resonates with someone. A publishing executive I spoke with got emotional and shared he hadn't spoken to his father for the last twenty years of his father's life. A woman at a speaking event pulled me aside and whispered that she hadn't heard from her daughter in three years.
The reality is this: everyone is going through something. We just don't talk about it.
And when we don't talk about it, the feeling of not being enough grows.
Where Self-Doubt Really Comes From
Most people can't point to one single moment where they started feeling inadequate. It's more like a slow accumulation — small pains from childhood that we didn't even recognize as pain at the time.
For me, it started young. I had good parents who loved me unconditionally. They made sacrifices so my siblings and I could have a great life. But despite their best efforts, there were small moments that planted seeds of doubt. I compared myself to my siblings, who I always felt were smarter or more accomplished. Friends and family unintentionally hurt me, and some of that hurt stayed with me, unaddressed, well into adulthood.
I didn't know the impact of those small pains. As a young child, I just assumed it was all normal.
By the time most of us hit thirteen, we become constantly concerned with the opinions of others — how they view our actions, our appearance, our worth. For many of us, that pattern continues through college and into our adult lives. We scroll social media at all hours, comparing our messy reality to everyone else's highlight reel. We medicate with work, with busyness, with our phones, with anything that keeps us from sitting with the uncomfortable truth that we don't feel like we measure up.
Whatever our medication type is, many of us will try to hide from our pain rather than addressing it head on.
What "You Are Enough" Actually Means
Let me be clear about something: knowing you are enough is not a Hallmark card moment. It's not a motivational poster on the break room wall. And it's not something you can intellectually agree with and move on.
There is a massive difference between thinking you are enough and knowing it. Thinking it is cognitive. Knowing it is transformational. It changes how you lead, how you parent, how you show up for the people around you.
I've met people whose lives were forever altered by a single moment when someone made them feel like they mattered:
A premature baby's father felt utterly useless in the NICU — he couldn't feed his son, couldn't operate the machines, couldn't do anything a father is supposed to do. He was sobbing against the isolette when a nurse put her arm around him and told him that every time his son heard his voice, the baby turned his head toward it. That one moment — being told he was enough just by showing up — changed how that man led organizations for the next twenty-five years.
A young man standing on the wrong side of the Golden Gate Bridge was ready to end his life. A highway patrol officer didn't offer solutions or false hope. He simply listened for ninety-two minutes. When asked later what ultimately got through to him, the young man said it wasn't any specific thing — it was the fact that the officer listened to him and made him feel, for the first time, that he was enough.
A man sentenced to over 100 years in prison was plotting to become the top gang leader when his mother visited and asked him one question that changed everything. He retired from the gang the next morning, spent the next eight years earning his GED and taking every class available, and was eventually released. Today he's a Fellow at Harvard and one of the most sought-after keynote speakers in the world.
These aren't fairy tales. These are real people I've interviewed, befriended, and written about. And in every case, the turning point wasn't a strategy or a program. It was a human being showing up and communicating — through words or actions — you matter.
The Framework: From Isolation to Belonging to Sustained Change
Through my research, my podcast conversations, and my own journey, I've identified a pattern in how people move from feeling not enough to knowing they are:
Stage 1: Isolation
This is where most people get stuck. They hide their pain, put on a mask, and convince themselves that nobody else could possibly understand. The isolation compounds the feeling of inadequacy. It's a vicious cycle.
Stage 2: Belonging
Something breaks through — a conversation, a moment of vulnerability, someone who shows up and listens. The person realizes they are not alone. This is the critical inflection point. For me, it was sharing my story about my daughter and discovering that many others had walked a similar path. The moment I stopped hiding was the moment healing began.
Stage 3: Sustained Change
This isn't a one-time fix. It requires ongoing practices: a personal board of directors (people who hold you accountable), positive self-talk to replace the lies you've been telling yourself, and intentional presence with the people around you. It means putting your phone down, looking people in the eyes, and letting them know through your actions that they matter.
Why This Matters for Your Organization
If you're an event planner, HR leader, or conference organizer reading this, here's what I want you to understand: the people in your organization are carrying things you can't see. And those invisible burdens are affecting their performance, their engagement, their willingness to take risks, and their ability to lead others.
When people feel like they are enough — when they feel safe to be authentic — everything changes. Culture shifts. Retention improves. Collaboration deepens. Innovation increases. Not because of a new process or technology, but because people are finally free to bring their whole selves to the work.
This is the message I bring to stages around the world. It's the message in my bestselling book You Are Enough: Overcoming Lifelong Doubts of Worthiness. And it's the through-line of every conversation on my globally-ranked Counsel Culture podcast.
The little things don't mean a lot. The little things mean everything.
And sometimes the littlest thing — a listening ear, a moment of presence, three words spoken at the right time — is all it takes to change a life.
What You Can Do Today
You don't need a stage or a book to make someone feel like they are enough. You can start right now:
Put your phone down. The next conversation you have, give the person your full attention. Look them in the eyes. Listen — really listen — to what they're saying and what they're not saying.
Be authentic. Share something real about your life with someone today. You'll be stunned by what comes back.
Assume positive intent. That coworker who snapped at you, that family member who seems distant — they're probably going through something. Lead with grace.
Tell someone they matter. Not in a generic way. Be specific. Tell them exactly what they mean to you and why.
Everyone is going through something. Be the person who shows up.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does "you are enough" really mean?
"You are enough" means that your inherent worth is not determined by your job title, your salary, your social media following, or anyone else's opinion of you. It means you have value simply because you exist. It's the shift from seeking external validation to recognizing your intrinsic worth — and it fundamentally changes how you lead, parent, and show up for the people around you.
How does self-doubt affect leadership?
Self-doubt causes leaders to hide their authentic selves, avoid vulnerability, make fear-based decisions, and fail to connect deeply with their teams. Leaders who secretly feel inadequate often overcompensate with control, perfectionism, or workaholism — all of which erode the culture they're trying to build.
Can a keynote speaker really help with organizational culture around worthiness?
Absolutely. A keynote on worthiness and self-doubt creates a shared emotional experience that gives teams permission to be authentic. Organizations like AWS, Fortra, Coro, and Titus Talent Strategies have brought Eric Brooker in to deliver this message, and the feedback consistently reflects deeper connection, renewed purpose, and actionable change.
What is the difference between imposter syndrome and not feeling enough?
Imposter syndrome is typically tied to professional achievement — the fear of being "found out" at work. Not feeling enough runs deeper. It touches identity, relationships, and self-worth at a fundamental level. Both are common, both are addressable, and both respond powerfully to authentic human connection and intentional presence.
How do I book Eric Brooker for a keynote on worthiness and leadership?
Visit ericbrooker.com/contact or email [email protected]. Eric tailors each keynote to the audience and organization, drawing from his book You Are Enough, his 150+ episode Counsel Culture podcast, and 25 years of corporate leadership experience.